Chapter room meeting

Some sort of very serious meeting in the Chapter room, which, oddly enough, was never used for Chapter meetings because it was too small, it was really just a second living room. Chapter meetings (or, more properly, House meetings) took place in the dining room, where there were enough chairs for everyone.

If the fellow in left foreground with his back to the camera is Bill Conklin, this would be Vaiva's junior year. She, of course, is in front of the fake fireplace. The guy with his legs under her chair, with the plaid pants, is Clark Walter, who was the Regional Commander for Sigma Nu. We were on a kind of probation for having women members in our living group, and Clark's job was to "monitor" us. We totally won him over.

Mike Lowry is on the floor in front of Clark. I recognize, but don't recall the name, of the guy in the chair.

Unconventional front porch

An unusual front porch shot which,
judging from the crop marks, we did publish sometime.
Vaiva is with Dave Kerski and Bob Buerschaper.

A note from Pat Illingworth

Jim.....maybe you might want to post this link on the blog.....Patty.

Life.

OK, here it is, but I have to disagree that "Your future happiness may depend upon your ability to leave the past behind." Otherwise, it was very nice.

Friends

Vaiva took portraits for her "rush book," of which these two are particularly striking

Margy Meyer.

John Kowaleski

Studying with Bill Dynan

This photo is in Vaiva's study room, with Bill Dynan, who posted last December here. Look on the left side of the photo, there is a rectangular thingy with something in the middle. That is a primitive loom that Vaiva always seemed to have with her. In the middle of it is a partially finished juosta, a Lithuanian sash (or in this case, really more like a ribbon). Some people knit for relaxation, Vaiva made sashes.

More Lithuanian dinner

I wrote about Vaiva's extravagant Lithuanian dinners here.
I discovered two more photos from that event.

Bob Brookes displays the dessert.

Vaiva studying

Vaiva and I share a drink—krupnickas?

More of Vaiva's flowers

Vaiva's flowers

These photos were taken today.

Our plum tree is in bloom.

In the fraternity house

This was taken in our dining room. The blue pen line on the left is a crop mark, because this photo was used in our brochure. Carol McGuire is looking at the camera, and Mike Button is at the back right. The fellow being cropped out on the left is Bill Dynan.

Vaiva goes to MIT

I have just discovered a photo cache Vaiva collected from our college years. As I noted earlier, in my role as Rush Chairman, I took a great many photos for our publicity brochure. Vaiva was the Rush Chairman the year after I was, and she collected even more photos. Most of these I have not seen in decades.

The photo of Vaiva above was taken for her MIT ID card. Freshmen had a supply of these, which we were to supply to our professors so that they could become familiar with us more quickly. However, I don't think I gave many out. BTW, I think she hated this photo.

Myra's photo of Vaiva's rainbow

In December Myra Goodwin sent a lovely note about Vaiva and rainbows, which you can read here. Now Myra has followed up with this photo and note:

Here is the photo I promised I'd search for...couldn't decide whether to send or not, since it does not show much of Vaiva's face. It does, however, show the photo of the rainbow across the city. It is obvious from the smudged eye liner, and the grimace on my face that tears were flowing during the presentation as the story was told.

Thank you, Myra, for this, the 300th post on the blog. As I post, Pandora is playing Katie Melua, singing I Cried For You.

Little Vaiva gets a puppy

At about age 5 or 6 a puppy entered Vaiva's life.
It was a schipperke, a Belgian breed,
which she named Meskis (bear, or little bear).

This photo is undated, but is labeled Vaiva and Barsketytes.
The dog is fully grown.

Culture warrior

Vaiva, nearly seven.
She didn't smile much at that age,
at least not in the photos we have.

When you're a hammer, everything looks like a nail

During the last couple years of her life, Vaiva and I were regular fans of the series Monk, the OCD-afflicted, oddball Sherlock Holmes knock-off.

Lately, Lokys and I have borrowed DVDs of the Showtime series Weeds from the library, and we're enjoying it. But last night we took a break from that to watch the movie Smart People, mostly because I’m a fan of Ellen Paige.

I've noticed a pattern.

Monk: Main character is obsessed with the premature death of his wife, the one true love of his life.

Weeds: Main character takes up selling marijuana to make ends meet after the premature death of her husband. Bonus: the friend character develops breast cancer.

Smart People: Main character becomes a withdrawn misanthrope after the premature death of his wife. When his daughter and brother donate the dead wife’s clothing to Good Will, he goes to the store to buy it back.

I should probably get out more.

Dunno What to Say

We have some guest lecturers this week at College. A couple from Hungary showed up on Saturday so on Sunday I took them to see the Hill of Witches and Nida. At one point the lady was asking about my parents, and after talking about them for a few minutes she asked what I knew was coming, what I'd so far since December never had to tell anyone who didn't know my mother personally or at least by reputation: she asked if my mother was living in Lithuania now.

"She's dead now," I said.

As soon as I said that I thought those were the wrong words to use. Was I supposed to say "she passed away," or" she's no longer with us?" Seems a little like mincing words: I can't think of anything that sounds appropriate; but, can anything said about such a thing ever sound "right?"

Mociute's doctorate

Vaiva's father is on the left,
then her mother, robed to receive a doctorate from Columbia.
Her grandfather is standing behind her,
and her grandmother is on the right.
In this photo Vaiva's father looks older than
his father-in-law, but he was a few years younger.
Time in a German prison camp will do that do you.

I should be dancing

I will create a thread on Vetra, the Lithuanian folk dance group that Vaiva led for many years, at some future date. Today, however, as I was rummaging through the hard drive of an old computer, I came across this photo, which is a screen capture from digital video. It's not in my iPhoto database. Thus, I wanted to post it before I lost track of it again.

Backyard photo

Undated.

Ancestors

Vaiva's maternal grandfather and grandmother,
with her mother's sister, Lijole.
In Germany, in 1948.

A note from Myra Goodwin about the a.p.p.l.e. brochure

The photo on the cover is.....ME! How about that?

It was taken during the first time we had camp in Girulai. It was a child I was working with. I think I was in the process of giving him a kiss, can't exactly remember. A really cute kid whose name is Andrius. He has autism. Camp is for teacher training of course, but it also includes parents, kids and APPLE teachers. It is a great "hands on " experience in which we can demonstrate that we see the true beauty of kids.

Some of the parents look at us so strangely when we tell them that their kids are beautiful. Last summer my favorite kid was a little boy who brought "terror" to parents and teachers each time his name was mentioned, due to his behavior. They all thought that he could not change. In 2 weeks the child was different- and was learning that positive attention can come through positive behavior. He was actually a helper to some of the kids in wheelchairs. I have some great photos. He was truly my favorite. His mother had never had him be a favorite. She was so amazed..as she saw that the feelings were real. Simply by being ourselves, and believing that kids can learn, Camp provides an opportunity different from APPLE conferences.

Myra Goodwin

1999 a.p.p.l.e. flyer

I'm not ready to blog about the creation of a.p.p.l.e., but a colleague at Merrill Anderson gave me this sample of an early fundraising folder. I thought I'd post it while I have it handy. It folds out into a 3-panel folder. That is not Vaiva on the cover, though there is a resemblance.

Four months

Vaiva died four months ago today.

2009 eggs

Eggs on the left were done by Lokys, on the right by me.
The "v" shaped "birds" have long been one of my motifs.
(Click on a photo to enlarge.)

Egg decorating, 2008

Vaiva's last Easter

Vaiva's hair was beginning to grow back after
the chemo for the second breast cancer.

Both Lokys and Sirvydas were able to join us.

The best ones are Vaiva's. The boys and I
are more free-form with our wax.

Right after Easter dinner, 2006

First, tend to the flowers.

Then, some early work in the vegetable garden.

I'm glad Sirvydas was there for the heavy work.

Easter 2006

For Easter 2006, we only had Sirvydas at home.
He was a high school senior.

Vaiva was an Easter egg expert. The pale pink one on the right,
with the perfectly symmetric sunburst was hers, for example,
and probably the green one in the center. I did the red one on the left,
and possibly the blue and purple ones above it. Sirvydas did the bottom ones.

Our tradition is to strike the eggs against each other before Easter dinner.

Taking over the mountains

I have been thinking about an idea which has been discussed among Mama's colleagues to write a memorial of her life and work, made up of her articles and speeches, and what a difficult task it will be. It must be done-- I've known this for many years, ever since reading the book published in Senelio honor.

I even joked about it with Mama:

liepa suris
Tu turetum pradet jau rasyt savo autobiografija dabar...
4:34 PM
bus man lengviau isleist knyga
4:35 PM

radasta
"bus man lengviau isleist knyga" -cha cha cha
7:38 PM
as gyvenu, kad tau butu lengviau
7:38 PM
myliu

This conversation took place last fall when I returned to the United States to start graduate school, and Sigita Šimkuvienė asked to interview me for a newspaper article, which you can find reprinted here.

She asked me to name a few people with whom I could "take over the mountains" (su kuriais tau butu imanoma kalnus nuversti), so I wrote an answer about my three brothers, my friend who is serving in Iraq, and first and foremost mama:

Mano pirma ir pagrindinė mintis—mama, Vaiva Vėbraitė, kuri dirbo ambicingai (gerąja prasme), kūrybingai, ir su vizija per visokius sunkumus išsaugoti lietuvybę Amerikoje iki Nepriklausomybės metų, ir po to stiprinti lietuvybę laisvoje Lietuvoje. Su entusiazmu sukūrė APPLE organizaciją, kuri suteikė naujausių pedagogikos ir vadybos žinių daugiau negu trečdaliui Lietuvos mokytojų ir mokyklų vadovų ir suteikė jiems progą bendrauti bei diskutuoti laisvoje aplinkoje per vasaros kursus. Tada ji dirbo optimistiškai su būtinomis švietimo sistemos reformomis, pereinant nuo sovietinės sistemos į tikrai laisvos, demokratinės šalies sistemą, raginant ir kitus perimti skaidrius bei aukštus standartus ir naujus poziūrius. Vaiva įkvėpė daugybę švietėjų dirbti su nauju pasitikėjimu savimi. Vaiva taip pat mokėjo dirbti lanksčiai: kai kilo pareigos šeimai, sveikatos problemos, ir norai ją įdarbinti Amerikoje ir Lietuvoje tuo pačiu metu, Vaiva sugalvodavo būdus toliau dirbti bei savo vizija įgyvendinti, dirbdama ir Prezidentūroje, ir Lietuviu Bendruomenėje, tuo paciu metu, ir ji niekada nepasiduoda. Jos nepaprastas lankstumas yra dalis jos charismos, kuri tarnauja toms organizacijoms kuriose Vaiva dirba. Tai skatina visus, kas ją pazįsta, įsigilinti į jos galingus tikslus, kai kuriais atvejais prisijungti prie jų ar perimti juos. Neabėjoju, kad man būtų įmanoma su tokiu žmogumi kalnus nuversti.

My first and foremost thought is my mother, Vaiva Vebraite, who worked ambitiously (in the best sense), creatively, and with a clear vision through all sorts of challenges to uphold Lithuanian culture in America until Independence, and afterward to strengthen Lithuanian culture in the free Lithuania. She worked enthusiastically to create APPLE, which brought the newest pedagogical strategies to over a third of Lithuanian teachers and administrators and offered them the opportunity to meet and discuss in an open environment. She worked with great optimism toward necessary education reform, to ease the transition from the Soviet system to a truly free and democratic system, encouraging others to adopt clear, high standards and become open to new perspectives. Vaiva inspired a number of colleagues to work with new self-confidence and pride. Vaiva also knew how to work flexibly: when she was confronted with family responsibilities, health problems, and offers to work in America and Lithuania at the same time, Vaiva thought of ways to continue working and bringing her vision to life: working for the President and for the Lithuanian American Community at the same time, without ever giving up. Her extraordinary flexibility is a part of her charisma, which benefits the organizations of which Vaiva was a part. It encourages everyone who knows her to take on her powerful goals, to join in her campaign or to take over. I have no doubt that with such a person I could take over the mountains.

And tete, it wouldn't be possible without you, this is all about you too.

Center of attention

I don't know if this was Vaiva's birthday party,

or the photographer made it look that way.

On the beach

Vaiva and her mother.

Another early family portrait

In France

Vaiva's parents lived in France for several years, before
relocating to New Haven, where Vaiva was born.
Her father found work as a chemist, working on perfumes.

Vaiva's father

Juozas Vebra, June 22, 1936.