By Romas Sakadolskis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final Eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Romas Sakadolskis, Mama’s fellow Lithuanian-American and long time close friend. My translation follows.]

Atsisveikinimui su Vaiva

Nesirenkame tėvų, nesirenkame kada ir kur atsirandame šioje Žemėje. Ateiname nesuvokdami, išeiname nenoromis. Tarp tų dviejų laiko stulpų yra trumputis žmogaus gyvenimas – bet begalės pasirinkimų kelias.

Amerikoje, kur Vaiva Radasta Vėbraitė gimė, augo ir praleido beveik visą savo gyvenimą, ypatingai plati pasirinkimų laisvė. Imigrantai ten renkasi, jeigu nori, naują tapatybę. O jų atžaloms netgi nereikia rinktis. Tenykštė tapatybė yra įgimta.

Štai todėl Vaivos kelias toks nepaprastas. Ji lietuvė ne tik pagal kilmę, ji pasirinko tokia būti. Ji atstovė tos išeivijos kartos, kuri sąmoningai apsisprendė už tautinę bendruomenę ir valstybę.

Tokiam pasirinkimui padeda tėvai, draugai, bendražygiai – padėjo jie ir Vaivai – bet galiausiai renkasi kiekvienas žmogus atskirai, savarankiškai, spręsdamas tik už save. Tokiam pasirinkimui nepakanka sentimento, tradicijų, emocijų. Tai gali būti tik sąmoningas – proto ir valios – apsisprendimas.

Toks žmogus buvo Vaiva, gimusi, kaip ji pati sakė, tėviškėje, kuri vadinasi Pasaulio Lietuva, savo pasirinkimu keitusi iki pašaknių savo šeimos ir daugybę kitų gyvenimus, iki paskutinio atodūsio dirbusi Lietuvai.

Rašytojas Marius Katiliškis žemės praradimo skausmą pavadino „Išėjusiems negrįžti“. Vaiva neišėjo, bet sugrįžo, suprato, jog Pasaulio Lietuva be Lietuvos ilgainiui negali būti. Lietuva yra viena. Dabar ji atgulė čion amžinojo poilsio. Ilsėkis ramybėje, Vaiva. Lietuvos žmogau.


Farewell to Vaiva

We do not choose our parents, nor the time or place of our birth here on earth. We arrive without any understanding, and we depart against our will. Between those two points is the short human timeframe of life—with a plethora of choices.

Vaiva Radasta Vėbraitė was born and spent more of her life in America—a country full of freedom. Immigrants choose new identities there, if they wish. And their offspring don’t even have to choose: the indigenous becomes built in.

That’s why Vaiva’s path has been so remarkable. She wasn’t just a Lithuanian by heritage: she chose to be Lithuanian. She is a representative of the émigré generation that made a deliberate decision about its national community and country.

Your parents will help make that decision, as will your friends and comrades-in-arms—Vaiva’s did help her—but in the end each person must choose for himself, independently, making up his own mind. Such a decision cannot be based merely on sentiment, tradition, and emotion. It must be a considered—intelligently and willfully—resolution.

Such a person was Vaiva; in her own words, she was born in her fatherland: the Diaspora-Lithuania. She herself chose to change the lives of her family and many others to the very roots, working to her final, deep breath for Lithuania.

The writer Marius Katiliškis called the pain of losing one’s land “To those who left: do not return.” Vaiva didn’t expatriate, but rather repatriated: she understood that the Diaspora-Lithuania wouldn’t last forever without Lithuania itself. Lithuania is one. Now she lies here for an eternal rest. Rest in peace, Vaiva. Woman of Lithuania.

By Kornelijus Platelis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final Eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Kornelijus Platelis, Mama’s good friend from a meeting almost two decades ago in Durham, CT, and colleague at the Ministry. A translation by Jonas Zdanys follows.]

Sausainis Persefonei

Vaivai, in memoriam

Žvelgiau į žalią švieselę tuščiame ekrane,
už lango kabojo niūri, plėvėta gruodžio migla,
radijas mokė kepti imbierinius sausainius.
Klankt – užsitrenkė telefono slasteliai staiga:
„Ji išėjo“.

Pele, pele,
imk sausainį imbierinį,
neški urvais ilgaisiais,
dėk jį prie kojų Hadui,
dėk Persefonei.
Sakyki: dabar ateisiančios
siela baltesnė už sniegą,
rankos delnais į viršų,
širdis nebegniaužia nieko.
Sakyk: tegu tik akių
jai atmerkti neliepia,
tegu už kaulinių vartų,
pasaulis taip ir palieka.
Žydinčiom pievom klajodamos
paskui tave, Persefone,
jos šitiek darnos regėjo,
šitiek priplūdo grožio,
kad požemio karalystė
juo gali visa sušvisti,
ir tau staiga pasirodyti,
jog metas atėjo grįžti.

2008-12-14


A Cookie for Persephone

for Vaiva, in memoriam

I looked at the small green light on the empty screen,
outside the window hung a somber webbed December mist,
the radio talked about how to bake ginger cookies.
Clunk – the telephone‘s trap slammed suddenly:
„She‘s gone.“

Little mouse, little mouse
take the ginger cookie,
carry it through the deepest caves,
lay it at the feet of Hades,
at Persephone‘s.
Say: the soul of she who comes now
is whiter than snow,
hands with palms offered up,
the heart aching for nothing.
Say: just do not ask her
to open her eyes,
let the world remain as it is
beyond those gates of bone.
Wandering through blossoming meadows
after you, Persephone,
they saw such harmony,
were flooded with such beauty,
that the underworld kingdom
would be filled with light
and suddenly you‘ll think
that it is time to return.

14/12/2008

By Dainius Numgaudis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Dainius Numgaudis, Mama’s colleague at the Ministry and very good friend. My translation follows.]

Miela Vaiva,

Tokią akimirką labai sunku atrasti žodžius – tikslius, paprastus ir giliaminčius - tokius, kurių tokia turtinga ir vaizdinga Tavo kalba.

Pastarąsias tris savaites buvome kartu su Tavo artimaisiais ir Tavim.
Manau, kad tai jautei. Tiesiog negalėjai nejausti.
Tai buvo skaudžių minčių ir šviesių prisiminimų metas.
Tas laikas buvo tarsi labai ryškių spalvų filmas. Toks , kaip Tu .

Mes, visi tavo bičiuliai, čia dar ir dar kartą įsivertinome ką ir kaip darėme, kur klydome ir ko pasiekėme. Kuo didžiuojamės ir ką norėtųsi nutylėti ar dėl ko dar pasiginčyti.

Nesiginčysim tik dėl vieno- praėjęs švietimo dešimtmetis sunkiai įsivaizduojamas be Tavęs. Be Tavo asmenybės ir darbų, idėjų ir idealų vardan siekio -
– Dievo delne, kaip pati sakydavai, matyti Lietuvą- augančią, stiprėjančią, atvirą Lietuvą.

Pranokai daugumą mūsų- savo įžvalga, ištverme, siaubingai didele valia, užsispyrimu, maksimalizmu, laisvumu, mąstymo gilumu, kartais labai netikėtu ir žmogiškai paprastu požiūriu į sudėtingą problemą.

Vakar vienoje iš Tavo kalbų radau Džono Lenono citatą- Gyvenimas yra tai, kas tau atsitinka, kol esi užsiėmęs kitais reikalais.
Džiaugiamės, kad buvai labai užsiėmusi, Vaiva. Kad įsukai į tuos užsiėmimus Jim, Arą, Liepą su Lokiu, Sirvydą ir mus visus.

Kažkada pasakojai, kaip tėtis atvedė tave prie vandenyno ir parodė į tolį- ten Lietuva. Pasistiebusi žiūrėjai ir klausei: kur? Kur? Tėtis sakė- štai ten, kaip tu nematai?
Matyt todėl Lietuvą matei kitaip ir kur kas giliau, negu kad mes .

Ačiū Tau už tai. Ir sudie.


Dear Vaiva,

It’s very hard to find words for such a moment—precise, simple, thoughtful ones—ones as rich and illustrative as you always found.

All those close to you have spent the past three weeks together with you. I think you’ve felt that; you must have. It was a time of painful thoughts and bright memories. It was like a film full of bright colors: just like you.

We—all of your pals—have always taken stock of ourselves as individuals over and over again: what are we proud of, what would we rather forget, and what we would still like to argue about just a bit.

There is one thing nobody could argue about—the past decade of education reform is difficult to imagine without you, your personality, your ideas, and your ideals: as you used to say, you saw an emergent, strong, transparent Lithuania sitting in the palm of God’s hand.

You surpassed most of us—your insight, endurance, tremendous willpower, stubbornness, maximization, informality, deep thought, and sometimes very unexpected, very down to earth perspective on a complex problem.

Last night I found a quotation from John Lennon in one of you speeches: “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” We’re glad that you were so busy with all your plans, Vaiva; we’re glad that you wove Jim, Aras, Liepa and Lokys, and Sirvydas and the rest of us into those plans.

Once you told me about a time when your father took you to the ocean and pointed far off and said, “There’s Lithuania.” Straining to see up on your tiptoes you said, “Where? Where?” Your father said, “Right there, can’t you see?” I guess that’s why you always had a different perception of Lithuania, and sometimes one more clear than our own.

Thank you for that, and farewell.

Not an ordinary afternoon in Rieše

Our home in Rieše, December 24, 2008, after Vaiva's funeral and burial.

Burial

Vaiva was buried next to her father.

Graveside

There were prayers, hymns and three speeches at the grave, from Vaiva's close professional friends: Romas Sakadolskis (who is also Liepa's godfather), Dainus Numgaudis (who worked with her in the Ministry of Education) and Kornelijus Platelis, (Minister of Education when Vaiva was Vice Minister.) I have video of the speeches which I hope to post later.

Procession

Only the hearse was allowed to drive to the grave. Friends led the procession, carrying Vaiva's portrait and the flowers from the chapel. Then came the priest. The family followed behind the hearse. A dirge was sung by the mourners throughout the procession.

At the gates of Antakalnis

The procession of cars from St. John's Church to Antakalnis, led by a police car, stopped at the gates of the cemetery.

Violin

When the funeral mass was complete, we had a series of speeches from the podium in the church. First son Aras, then brother Evaldas, then me. I read the same address as in Hartford, posted below. Then additional speakers came up from the audience, I believe four more.

A violinist played a short piece between the speakers. I have some of it on digital video, which I hope to post eventually. If anyone wants to send be a summary in the meantime, I will post that.




The speakers were focused on Vaiva's exceptional contributions to the Lithuanian nation and people, through her decade and a half working toward education reform and greater respect for teachers. Lokys then came to the front with intensely emotional and extemporaneous observations on Vaiva's concurrent role, unknown to the public, as his mother.

When no one more had anything to say, we retired to the chapel for final farewells. The violinist performed there as well.

Flowers

The foot of the casket appears at the top of the frame. The bouquet on the floor with the Lithuanian colors was place there by President Adamkus.

President Adamkus visits Vaiva in the chapel

Father Gintaras Vitkus

Father Vitkus was a friend of Vaiva's, had worked with her on education reform in Lithuania. He also presided, quite memorably, at the wedding of Aras and Renata. I invite any of the Lithuanian attendees to post on the substance of his homily.

Readings by Liepa and Renata

In the chapel, before the mass

The chapel is off to one side of the church. The casket is not removed from the chapel for the funeral mass. Visitors paid their respects for about an hour before and after the mass.

By the door to the chapel is a framed photo of Vaiva and her obituary.

The casket is placed on a marble pedestal. All the flowers are white, because Vaiva died young, before her time. Lithuanian sashes with messages from the families, woven for the occasion, drape some of the bouquets. Many guests will drop additional stems near the casket as they pay their respects later in the morning.

Liepa and Adrija pace before the funeral guests arrive

It was still dark outside when we arrived at the Church of St. John in Vilnius University (exterior photo at the link). This is the Church for funerals of poets, artists and other Lithuanian notables. The funeral for the musician Kernagis, a favorite of Vaiva's of mine, was held here earlier 2008. The funeral for Vaiva's father was held here in 1994.

Small world department: The uncle of Vaiva's brother-in-law, Father Lipniunas, was a famous pastor in this same church, arrested by the Nazis during WW II.

Vaiva arrives at St. John's Church in Vilnius

Aras and I helped the undertakers carry the casket to the side chapel where Vaiva would lie for the morning of December 24.