Another brick in the road

Two years

Vaiva died two years ago today.

I observed the date with Lokys, Liepa and Sirvydas, buying a splendid Christmas wreath from a local farm market, cutting down our Christmas tree, and having a Sunday dinner at the Chowderpot in Hartford.

A semblance of normalcy.

Dreams are Great

Tėtė: Good morning!
Adrija: Good morning.
Tėtė: Did you sleep well?
Adrija: Yes.
Tėtė: Did you have some nice dreams?
Adrija: Yes, we were in the water park.
Tėtė: You were in the water park?
Adrija: All we were, and you, and Teta Liepa, and Teddy, and Tetukas...
Tėtė: Tetukas? I don't think he likes the water park.
Adrija: Why?
Tėtė: Because he doesn't know how to swim.
Adrija: He doesn't can swim?! WHAT!
Tėtė: "He can't swim."
Adrija: "He can't swim." But even Dagnė could swim with a life vest.
Tėtė: In your dream?
Adrija: Yes. And Mamutė was there, she didn't died, and she liked it at the water park.
...
Adrija: Tetukas need to know how to swim.
Tėtė: He needs to learn, you mean?
Adrija: Yes
Tėtė: I'll tell him you think so.
Adrija: Maybe he likes the water park, he just doesn't know how to swim.
Tėtė: Maybe.

Spenser for hire

Vaiva, an avid aficionado of mystery books, introduced me to Robert B. Parker's Spenser series.  Spenser is a tough-guy detective, Susan Silverman is his brainy girlfriend, Hawk his powerful sidekick.  The books are written in the first person, from Spenser's point of view.  We also enjoyed the TV show developed from the book, Spenser: For Hire, but the books were better.

I've been listening to another in the series, Rough Weather.  Spenser witnesses a murder at a wedding, the murderer is Rugar, someone he knows from earlier books.  The story is completely impossible, but still interesting.  At one point Rugar drops in on Spenser and Susan at a restaurant, to warn Spenser to drop his investigation.  Rugar solemnly promises that he won't harm Susan, but worries that he may have to kill Spenser.  Spenser accepts those terms.

After Rugar leaves them, I was struck by the following passage:

"Is his word, in fact, good?" Susan said.

"Yes," I said. "He won't bother you."

"You know that."

"Yes."

"I'm not asking for reassurance," Susan said.  "I believe you.  But how do you know?"

"Rugar's a professional killer, pretty much willing to do anything.  Unless he has some rules for himself, he has no limits, and he's in free float. There's no tether."

"So he makes some up."

"Yep."

"Do you do that?"

"Don't need to," I said.  "I have you."

I have no tether.

23 months

Vaiva died 23 months ago.  Two years ago, she'd had the mastectomy, from which she never really recovered.  But we still had hope.  We had a Thanksgiving.  We didn't know the end was so near.

Hiking at Issaquuena Lake

Hiking at Sleeping Giant

Sirvydas and I hiked Sleeping Giant in Hamden three times this October. First, as the leaves were just starting to turn, October 3.

Then we went again October 17, near the peak color.

Finally, yesterday, the color was nearly gone.

All Saints Day

Sirvydas and I visited the  graves of Vaiva's ancestors in America.

22 months

22 long, empty months since Vaiva died.  Autumn was our favorite season, we were married in October. 

But it's no more and no less painful than any other season now.

"Time is what disperses us."

From The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason.

Home

Home is... pressing cider in the fall.

Fair nostalgia

Here's the Durham Fair, for the first time in 6 years, bringing back memories of fall, family, the ferris wheel, & giant pumpkins.

21 months

It was 21 months ago today, the worst day of my life, the last day of Vaiva's life.

20 months

Vaiva died 20 months ago today.  Tonight I go to my 40th high school reunion.

Birthday Party

"Dear guests, I'm so glad to see you all here for my mother's birthday. Last year we got together for her Metinės (death anniversary), and I know that's typical in Lithuania, but I haven't been comfortable with it--if her life is something to salute, why would we gather on the saddest day of it? We decided we want to get Vaiva's friends and family together every year to celebrate the greatness of her life and share memories in a joyous setting, a party. From now on we will meet at the end of August; we just did it a bit early this year so Liepa and Lokys would still be here." [So we'll just do it when somebody shows up, somebody said, to chuckles] "Yes! and that takes me to my final point. My mother gave me the idea to do this because family was so important to her, and although you meet family at a somber Metinės, you don't make friends with them, so you don't grow closer as an extended family. But here we can have fun and make friends, and that's something that would make my mother very happy. I've already met two new cousins today! I hope I can say that every year after this party. Į sveikatą!"

A silence followed the cheering and gulping, so the speech spontaneously went on an addendum to explain the food on the table that needed explaining, which was fried chicken, an American delicacy, stuffed mushrooms, pitas and guacamole, and other self explanatory treats. A good 40 people attended, all but one of them family. Marytė Speičienė was the only guest of Mama's colleagues. They're all on vacation in August, and most of them go abroad or someplace farther away in Lithuania. Next year it will be more, because we'll do it on the 27th and most people will be back from their vacations. And we'll get the invitations out earlier. I didn't realize what a high percentage of people plan trips for their vacations--for the past six years most of my trips have been business and I stay put for the summer.

I got many compliments on the food, and by the end all my chicken was gone (I'm lucky I got one piece out out seventy something). But the qualified Gaja Stirbytė's praise takes the cake: "This is the best fried chicken I've had even in America." When I told her I put old potato chip flakes into the breading it seemed a moment of revelation for her: "You are so wise," she said. Lokys thought that was hilarious. Why can't I be wise?

After the lunch some people went to chill in Alfonsas and Silvijas place, a few stayed inside to keep the chicken company, but the vast majority went to the pool, and eventually *into* the pool, which was a success.

After that some people had already started to play ping pong on the table outside, so the young adults joined them. The less young adults continued their chat in the coolness of casa de Lipnickai for a good while until finally the last guests, Valdas Vėbra's and Antanas Račiūnas's families decided to head home.

The only thing anybody was disappointed about was the absence of James B. Gust! I was surprised by the number of people who asked if he was attending. Maybe next year.

Račiūnų family reunion

Saturday July 17th all different branches of the Račiūnų family tree gathered in Vytenai, so I was able to meet groups of relatives that I had never even heard of before.

Dede Antanas gave a lovely speech, and Dede Julius recorded much of the event for posterity.

We took some group photos in front of the 100 year old tree and the beautiful house.I remember when I visited Vytenai with Mama and the house was full of rubble, and now it is restored and amazingly beautiful.

Lokys and I stand with Teta Silvija and Dede Valdas.

Above, with Nomeda and Daiva. Below, with Vilija.


Teta Silvija explains to people that because Senelis, Juozas Vėbra, married Anastazija Račiūnaitė, his best friend's Leono Račiūno sister, and Leonas Račiūnas married Senelio sister, Teresė Vėbraitė, all the Vėbras and Račiūnai are double cousins, or "dvigubi pusbroliai" -- "o kai turi dvi puses, tai jau tikras brolis." Because we are double cousins, we are really brothers and sisters.

Dede Alfonsas, Antanas, and Algis.

The house from the back yard.

Rytis Račiūnas, Senelio second great grand nephew (he always introduces me to his friends as his Teta Liepa :)), did some research into this family archives and made a wonderful powerpoint presentation of the oldest photos of the Račiūnų family.

Nineteen months

Vaiva died nineteen months ago today.

Jonines 2010

From Sigita:

Jonines

Sigita arranged for a Jonines celebration at the Durham homestead yesterday. It was more manageable that some we had years years ago, when the kids were in school.

I was honest when people asked, "How are you?" They are no doubt wondering why I can't "move on" after 18 months.

It would sound childish to say, "I don't want to go, and you can't make me."  But it would be the truth.

Had many nice conversations, and I will have less trepidation when Sigita asks about doing this next year. The greatest compliment was, "It feels just like Lithuania here," from several people,  usually recent emigres. 

Also, per usual, a ton of leftover  food. 

I did not get any photos, but  others  did.  I will post them as I receive them.

a.p.p.l.e. participants visited Vaiva's grave

Last summer many of the participants in a.p.p.l.e.'s summer program visited Vaiva's grave in Vilnius, decorating it with flowers and candles.  I just recently learned about the event.  Algirdas Mulionis provided me with the photos below.

Eighteen months

Vaiva died 18 months ago today.

Gruto Parkas 2010

Coincidentally, Teddy, Aras, Adrija and I visited Gruto Parkas last weekend, which Tete posted about. We know how important it is to never forget this terrible time in history. Here are a few photos from the trip.

Three proud Lithuanians voluntarily aboard a train that tragically deported our countrymen to Siberia, as Tete described in the earlier post.

Adrija smiles in front of a menacing Lenin.

Engels, Marx, Lenin, Kapsukas, Stalin.

"Four Communists."

Glorification of a young woman who died for supporting the Communist cause.

An example of the descriptions accompanying many statues of Soviet "heroes."

We visited the art museum on-site. There were many jolly paintings and drawings of Lenin interacting with his countrymen. No artists' renditions of Lenin overseeing wholesale slaughter.

But the truth was on display in the history museum on-site. We saw photographs and messages from the time period, nauseating and real: "Love the party, my young child, as you love your mother!" "We will learn how to die, if our country will require a sacrifice" (above).

Here is the menu for the Soviet restaurant "Nostalgia." You can see the prices have been doubled, in black permanent marker. We resisted the temptation to eat Chop Goodbye Youth, and instead opted for traditional beer, kepta duona, potato pancakes, koldunai, and fish.