By Romas Sakadolskis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final Eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Romas Sakadolskis, Mama’s fellow Lithuanian-American and long time close friend. My translation follows.]

Atsisveikinimui su Vaiva

Nesirenkame tėvų, nesirenkame kada ir kur atsirandame šioje Žemėje. Ateiname nesuvokdami, išeiname nenoromis. Tarp tų dviejų laiko stulpų yra trumputis žmogaus gyvenimas – bet begalės pasirinkimų kelias.

Amerikoje, kur Vaiva Radasta Vėbraitė gimė, augo ir praleido beveik visą savo gyvenimą, ypatingai plati pasirinkimų laisvė. Imigrantai ten renkasi, jeigu nori, naują tapatybę. O jų atžaloms netgi nereikia rinktis. Tenykštė tapatybė yra įgimta.

Štai todėl Vaivos kelias toks nepaprastas. Ji lietuvė ne tik pagal kilmę, ji pasirinko tokia būti. Ji atstovė tos išeivijos kartos, kuri sąmoningai apsisprendė už tautinę bendruomenę ir valstybę.

Tokiam pasirinkimui padeda tėvai, draugai, bendražygiai – padėjo jie ir Vaivai – bet galiausiai renkasi kiekvienas žmogus atskirai, savarankiškai, spręsdamas tik už save. Tokiam pasirinkimui nepakanka sentimento, tradicijų, emocijų. Tai gali būti tik sąmoningas – proto ir valios – apsisprendimas.

Toks žmogus buvo Vaiva, gimusi, kaip ji pati sakė, tėviškėje, kuri vadinasi Pasaulio Lietuva, savo pasirinkimu keitusi iki pašaknių savo šeimos ir daugybę kitų gyvenimus, iki paskutinio atodūsio dirbusi Lietuvai.

Rašytojas Marius Katiliškis žemės praradimo skausmą pavadino „Išėjusiems negrįžti“. Vaiva neišėjo, bet sugrįžo, suprato, jog Pasaulio Lietuva be Lietuvos ilgainiui negali būti. Lietuva yra viena. Dabar ji atgulė čion amžinojo poilsio. Ilsėkis ramybėje, Vaiva. Lietuvos žmogau.


Farewell to Vaiva

We do not choose our parents, nor the time or place of our birth here on earth. We arrive without any understanding, and we depart against our will. Between those two points is the short human timeframe of life—with a plethora of choices.

Vaiva Radasta Vėbraitė was born and spent more of her life in America—a country full of freedom. Immigrants choose new identities there, if they wish. And their offspring don’t even have to choose: the indigenous becomes built in.

That’s why Vaiva’s path has been so remarkable. She wasn’t just a Lithuanian by heritage: she chose to be Lithuanian. She is a representative of the émigré generation that made a deliberate decision about its national community and country.

Your parents will help make that decision, as will your friends and comrades-in-arms—Vaiva’s did help her—but in the end each person must choose for himself, independently, making up his own mind. Such a decision cannot be based merely on sentiment, tradition, and emotion. It must be a considered—intelligently and willfully—resolution.

Such a person was Vaiva; in her own words, she was born in her fatherland: the Diaspora-Lithuania. She herself chose to change the lives of her family and many others to the very roots, working to her final, deep breath for Lithuania.

The writer Marius Katiliškis called the pain of losing one’s land “To those who left: do not return.” Vaiva didn’t expatriate, but rather repatriated: she understood that the Diaspora-Lithuania wouldn’t last forever without Lithuania itself. Lithuania is one. Now she lies here for an eternal rest. Rest in peace, Vaiva. Woman of Lithuania.

Gilroy Gardens

Have you ever heard of Gilroy Gardens, in Gilroy California? Me neither. But Vaiva had come across it in her researches for our trip.

Gilroy, California, is known as the Garlic Capital of the World. Will Rogers reportedly said that it was the only place you could marinate a steak by hanging it out on a clothesline, or something to that effect. Gilroy Gardens is the theme park located there, with amusement rides and a horticultural exhibits.

At right, Vaiva strolls through a garden. Below, the Tilt-a-whirl ride carriages are in the shape of garlic bulbs. The most noteworthy attraction of the Gardens, however, has to be the Circus Trees.

Meditation and Relaxation

Mama read up on meditation last summer and fall... she hoped it would become an additional medicine which might not only reduce stress, but help her body to heal.

I signed up for the spring Meditation and Relaxation class in November, so that we could try it together some time... and even though we won't be doing that now, I'm still in the class. Today we focused on mindfullness and breathing and I pretty much fell asleep, which seems to defeat the purpose of trying to become fully conscious all the time, but what do I know, it was the first class (because of MLK day).

Relaxation

They had a hot tub and provided robes at the Tickled Pink Inn.

Tickled Pink

Because of the forest fires, we doubled back and drove through the interior of California to our next stop, Carmel, the city that once enjoyed having Clint Eastwood as its mayor. Again, we arrived rather late, with all the sight seeing Vaiva had packed into our day.

We stayed at the most luxurious place I've ever seen outside of Las Vegas, the Tickled Pink Inn. (Website here.) This is the kind of place that is so expensive they give you a bottle of champaigne on ice in your room upon your arrival. We had some trouble finding it, the GPS navigator seemed to take us in circles through the narrow, winding roads here. This was also confusing because the Inn is set among expensive coastal homes, not out on a major highway.




This is the view from our balconey.

New Haven

Early 1980s, probably 1983, Vaiva with Senelis, Mociute, and Aras, on the front porch of the house on Lawrence Street.

Coincidence

Lokys and I watched a TiVo'd episode of Pushing Daisies last week. At the end, Kristin Chenoweth sang a lovely song that I sort of recognized but didn't know--I observed to Lokys that perhaps if they'd had her sing every week the show wouldn't have been canceled.

Here's the beginning of the song:

Close your eyes, give me your hand, darling
Do you feel my heart beating, do you understand?
Do you feel the same, am I only dreaming?

Next night we're watching another TiVo'd show, this one from Comedy Central, a standup routine that was originally filmed in 2001 of Zach Galifianakis. His final bit included an a capella version of the very same song, performed by the Night Owls.

As I seemed to be getting a message, I tracked down the song. It's Eternal Flame, by the Bangles. Original music video performance here.

Elephant seals

After we finished our tour of Heart Castle, Vaiva and I planned to head north, along the coast highway. As it happened, our way was blocked by the forest fires, so we drove about 30 miles on that highway along the seacoast, which was glorious, then doubled back.

Vaiva was on the lookout on that stretch of road for a place where elephant seals beach themselves, and we found it with no trouble. How did Vaiva know that it would be there? How did she know everything—it's the same question, with the same answer. She read voraciously.

Hearst Castle

Another nice thing about the Madonna Inn was free WiFi in the restaurant area. This was important to us because Vaiva thought we should visit the Hearst Castle (website here) as we traveled north. How does the WiFi come into the story? You can only get into the Castle by taking a group tour, and you should buy your tickets in advance for that, which can be done at their website. (Otherwise you may have to wait for hours, because the tours sell out regularly.) The tickets are for a specific tour (there are four different ones and an evening tour) and time. So we used the Nuvi to estimate our travel time, which was a couple hours as I recall, and picked our tour.

If you haven't been to the Hearst Castle yet, we strongly suggest you put it on your bucket list. The setting, the buildings, the furnishings are remarkable, our guide was outstanding, the story is beyond fiction. There is a very rich history which the guide skims for the group, pausing to answer in depth any questions that come up.

I took a bunch of photos, but the shots at their website are even better. However, they don't have this one:

Back to the Madonna Inn

We returned to the Madonna Inn for another night, and Vaiva had another swim the next morning.

Solvang

After the Mission Vaiva and I went to Solvang, a curious little tourist trap settled by Danes from Minnesota. Wikipedia entry here, tourist info and photos here. We took a long walk through the town, look at the odd landmarks and stores. Can you guess where we actually spent some cash? The used book store.

remembering vaiva...

Dear Jim,

I am so sorry about your loss of Vaiva. She was an absolutely amazing person -- one who left a deep impression on me as I got to know her and worked with her for APPLE in the early years of the organization. She was so committed to the cause. And she was so respected and cherished. She left a beautiful legacy.

I hadn't seen her for many years -- I remarried, moved to Washington, DC, had 2 children, then lived in Mexico City for 2-3 years, and am now in Istanbul, Turkey. But even though it has been many years, I was stunned by the fact that she is gone. News of her death left such an empty feeling inside.

When my first husband, Antanas, died in 1994 (I was so young at the time -- only 30 years old), I still remember to this day the beautiful card that Vaiva had sent me. It had purple flowers on it -- wild lupines -- and she wrote about how they are growing in the field where the two of you have started building a house in Lietuva; how those flowers reminded her of life and hope and beauty; how she wished for me one day to have those things return to me and assured me that they will. That was 15 years ago.

My life has changed over those years. I worked hard to try and make myself whole again to one day have those things return to me. My experience changed me and brought me to places I never thought I would go. I developed beautiful friendships along the way, discovered new parts of myself that I never knew existed, and never forgetting my past, I moved into the future.

Jim, I do completely understand and feel your pain. I read the words in your blog -- yours, your children's, and the ones written by all of the people who loved Vaiva and grieve her loss -- and understand that it will be a long journey for everyone to find their way without her. But she left in all of us a little part of herself that we will always carry around with us.

In September, I lost another close friend to breast cancer. After that happened I decided that I was going to participate in the Avon Walk for breast cancer (which will be in May of this year.) When I heard of Vaiva's passing, I decided to also dedicate this walk to her. I have enclosed a link to my Web page on the walk, just so you and your family can read that I included Vaiva in my dedication:

http://info.avonfoundation.org/site/TR/Walk2009/WashingtonDC?px=4473605&pg=personal&fr_id=1760&et=SeNhZE-LSdJyiRtc1Phr5Q..&s_tafId=369913

Again, I am so sorry about your loss. It took me a long time to write to you and to find the right words. I have seen some of your children over the past few summers at Neringa and reacquainted myself with the others through their photos and blog entries. You have a beautiful family. I remember them as children and it's wonderful to see the people they have become.

Vaiva will truly be missed and I know how hard it will be on you and your kids. She left her mark on so many and was such a public figure. Her work for Lithuania made an impact, but more important, her life and presence in your family as wife, mother, and grandmother is irreplaceable. And I am so sorry about that.

I send all of you my love,

Ruta

(formerly Ruta Kulbis from Boston, now Ruta Puskorius from Istanbul)

Ruta Puskorius

rutamx@mac.com

US mailing address:

c/o Rimas Puskorius

World Bank Group (ISTIFC)

PO Box 27839

Washington, DC 20038-7839

US tel. no. 202-363-1699

Spinach brownies?

Mama always loved trying new recipes-- she subscribed to Cook's magazine to hear about the latest cooking innovations, and she owned hundreds of cookbooks... she frequently perused AllRecipes to find new ideas and she read all the comments to create the best combination of recipes and ingredients.

Aras and I have both started using AllRecipes for recipe ideas too, and we both sign into her username and share her bookmarked, saved recipes. That way we can share our newfound recipes with each other more easily. Yesterday I looked through the lists of her saved recipes, and I saw one for spinach brownies.

Spinach brownies?! Ugh! But it's really just a cheesy spinach quick bread cooked in a large pan... and it's really delicious-- I made some today. Tastes sort of like spinach alfredo pizza.

Vaiva plays a video game

This photo was from earlier in the California trip, when we were in Disneyland with Adrija.

Vaiva was not a fan of video games, I don't know if she ever played one, and if she did it would have been for only a minute or so. The Buzz Lightyear ride in Disneyland simulates being inside a video game, and the riders have "blasters" that they use to shoot "bad guys" as they move through the dark. The travel books said that adults and kids alike loved this ride, so we tried it. Once.

As with many of the attractions, Disney takes your digital photo during the ride and offers it to you for a fee as you exit. However, with the Buzz Lightyear ride they also give you the option to e-mail the photo to someone (or yourself, even better) at no charge. So I had the ladies wait while I searched for ours.

The surprise is not that Adrija and I won with a score of 14,600. The surprise, which I would not have believed with the photographic evidence, is that Vaiva (Space Ranger One) scored 2,400.

Visiting a mission

Vaiva loved to travel, and she loved to read travel books. (She was a voracious reader.) She planned a remarkable itinerary for our California sojourn.

After we breakfasted at the Madonna Inn, we explored San Luis Obispo. We visited one of the restored missions from the earliest settlement of California. I haven't yet found its name. I was a bit surprised that we had the entire place almost to ourselves.

Above, I'm standing near one of the fields, with the living quarters and chapel in the background. Below, inside the chapel.

Secret life

Mama loved Leonard Cohen, especially the song In My Secret Life.

I always thought that she saw her life in Lietuva as her crazy "secret life," where she worked undercover for various amounts of time, in between her full time job, being a mama.

When she was in the hospital, I played some Leonard Cohen from my laptop, including her favorite song, for her to sleep to.

The Madonna Inn

After Disneyland, after the Lithuanian Folk Dance Festival, after we spent a day on impulse with Liepa at Universal Studios, Vaiva and I drove all evening to San Luis Obispo. The Garmin Nuvi was an essential component of our California travels, and it was that night as well, driving after dark.

We stayed at the Madonna Inn (their home page is here). This obscure but charming hotel, recommended to us by both Tom Gerrity and Sam Heitzman, was built by a guy named Madonna in the 1950s. Every room is different, they have a dining room that looks like a Disney cartoon,


they have a lovely pool that Vaiva had all to herself,



and a gazebo with a garden and view of the countryside.

I'm still faking it

This post, written before Vaiva's Vilnius funeral, remains true.

It seems unlikely that one could go through two separate funerals, throw dirt on the lowered casket, have lunch with relatives afterward, and still be in denial about death. But at the emotional core, I am. Perhaps I have to be.

I am waiting. Stuff happens, I automatically think, "I'll have to mention that to Vaiva." I haven't cleaned her desk, or brought order to our bedroom, her clothing is where it was left the day I took her to the hospital with her "tummy hurts."

I am crying more frequently, almost randomly, perhaps that means something.

We both knew in 2007, when the cancer recurred, that it would end her life. We hoped it would take more than 16 months. But we did live "in the moments" as much as we could in her last year, which is why I have more photos of her then than from the many years of our marriage.

I have a couple steps coming up now. I have assembled a 45-minute DVD of photos and eulogies from the Vilnius funeral, which I've begun to mail out. If you would like one, please send me your home address at jbgust@aol.com.

I have to read all the condolences that came by snail mail, and begin to send thank you notes.

For the blog, my next steps are to post some photos from the California road trip Vaiva and I took in the summer of 2008, then post the individual photos that we displayed at the funerals. They were a terribly imperfect summary, but it was what we could do.

What I'm listening to now

A week or so ago Liepa told me about www.pandora.com, the home page of Pandora Radio, a free music streaming service. At this site you create custom "radio stations" by specifying a musician or composer that you enjoy. Pandora then constructs a playlist of similar music, and the list may or may not include selections from the identified artist.

Why would record companies participate in this service? Not all do. But when a song is playing, you can click on it for more information, and then click to purchase it from Amazon or iTunes. So the service is really sales promotion. You don't get to pick what you listen to—well, you can, but then you just get a 30-second sample, just like iTunes. Also, you can't save and repeat a playlist, though you can give a thumbs up or down to specific songs. I find that songs repeat with some regularity.

I've created "radio stations" for Danny Elfman, Philip Glass, Randy Newman and Leonard Cohen, all very nice, but my current favorite is Ennio Morricone of spaghetti western fame. The selections tend toward dirges and slow movie themes. Through it I found "Into the West" from the end of Lord of the Rings: Return of the King, sung by Annie Lennox. You can listen to this song here. [Link updated; the original link was removed for copyright claim.]

This song reminds me of the poem that Elona read at Vaiva's funeral (here), Gone From My Sight. A portion of the song lyrics:

What can you see
On the horizon?
Why do the white gulls call?
Across the sea
A pale moon rises
The ships have come to carry you home
And all will turn
To silver-glass
A light on the water
All souls pass

Hope fades
Until the world of night
Through shadows' falling
Out of memory and time
Don't say
We have come now to the end
White shores are calling
You and I will meet again

And you'll be here in my arms
Just sleeping

Exit from Holy Trinity

Homily

Jonas Limantas drove Msgr. Kontautas from Boston to Hartford so that Vaiva's funeral mass could be said in Lithuanian.

Hartford readers

Hartford mourners

Sigita has forwarded some photos taken by Laima.

By Kornelijus Platelis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final Eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Kornelijus Platelis, Mama’s good friend from a meeting almost two decades ago in Durham, CT, and colleague at the Ministry. A translation by Jonas Zdanys follows.]

Sausainis Persefonei

Vaivai, in memoriam

Žvelgiau į žalią švieselę tuščiame ekrane,
už lango kabojo niūri, plėvėta gruodžio migla,
radijas mokė kepti imbierinius sausainius.
Klankt – užsitrenkė telefono slasteliai staiga:
„Ji išėjo“.

Pele, pele,
imk sausainį imbierinį,
neški urvais ilgaisiais,
dėk jį prie kojų Hadui,
dėk Persefonei.
Sakyki: dabar ateisiančios
siela baltesnė už sniegą,
rankos delnais į viršų,
širdis nebegniaužia nieko.
Sakyk: tegu tik akių
jai atmerkti neliepia,
tegu už kaulinių vartų,
pasaulis taip ir palieka.
Žydinčiom pievom klajodamos
paskui tave, Persefone,
jos šitiek darnos regėjo,
šitiek priplūdo grožio,
kad požemio karalystė
juo gali visa sušvisti,
ir tau staiga pasirodyti,
jog metas atėjo grįžti.

2008-12-14


A Cookie for Persephone

for Vaiva, in memoriam

I looked at the small green light on the empty screen,
outside the window hung a somber webbed December mist,
the radio talked about how to bake ginger cookies.
Clunk – the telephone‘s trap slammed suddenly:
„She‘s gone.“

Little mouse, little mouse
take the ginger cookie,
carry it through the deepest caves,
lay it at the feet of Hades,
at Persephone‘s.
Say: the soul of she who comes now
is whiter than snow,
hands with palms offered up,
the heart aching for nothing.
Say: just do not ask her
to open her eyes,
let the world remain as it is
beyond those gates of bone.
Wandering through blossoming meadows
after you, Persephone,
they saw such harmony,
were flooded with such beauty,
that the underworld kingdom
would be filled with light
and suddenly you‘ll think
that it is time to return.

14/12/2008

One month

Vaiva died one month ago today.

Matriarchs of a.p.p.l.e., Neringa, 2004

Mother's Day, 2003

In Memory of Vaiva

Velu dabar dekoti Vaivai, kad ji dalijosi su mumis namu siluma, kai mes atvaziavom i JAV, kad apvilko mane tautiniu kostiumu pirma karta gyvenime ir pamoke sokti, kad pakviete praleisti prasmingas vasaros savaites APPLE kursuose, kad ji buvo didele patriote.

Aciu, Vaiva, ilsekis ramybeje!

It is just belated to say thank you to Vaiva for sharing her home when we were new to the US, for dressing me up in a national costume for the first time in my life and teaching me to dance, for inviting to spend meaningful summer weeks at the APPLE camp, for being such a great patriot.

Thank you, Vaiva, rest in peace!

Dear Jim and family,

please accept sincere condolences for the passing away of your wife and mother.

Sincerely,

Minijus Tilindis and family

sincere sympathy

Dear Mr Gust,

You don't know me, I'm a friend of Renata's from Lamezia Terme in southern Italy. We are working together on an EU project and have met in Helsinki, Istanbul and Rome (where I also met Aras) and will meet again in a few days in Budapest. We are also constantly in contact by Skype. All this to explain that Renata had spoken very highly about Vaiva to me on 7th Dec. in Rome and then just the other day told me she died. I was really saddened by the news. It may sound strange that Renata and I are such good friends as my husband Renzo and I are about you and Vaiva's age.

She also gave me your blog link which I visited.

Having seen and read much of the content I want to offer you my condolences.

The thing I most want to share with you is that the other morning in this little neck-of-the-woods I should have on my desk-top a photo of you and your wife and an ultra-sound image of your grandchild. I felt I had to tell you this and I trust you will not take it as an invasion of your private grief.

I also pray that the new "amputated" you that you feel you have become will be able to find peace and continue on with your wife's spiritual presence at your side.

Kind regards,

Frances Fahy
Lamezia Terme,
Italy

Gillette Castle, Summer 2008

My mother, my granddaughter, my wife.

Hartford rose garden, summer 2008

The Notebook

Nicholas Sparks wrote The Notebook, a very romantic story of an 80-year-old man, Noah, who has moved into a nursing home with his 78-year-old wife, Ally, who is suffering from Alzheimer’s. He reads to her every day, the same story, their story, as it turns out. The book was made into a film in 2004, with James Garner as Noah and Gena Rowlands as Ally—Ryan Gosling and Rachel MacAdams portray the characters in their youth, in flashbacks.

While Vaiva lay dying in the hospital, I repeatedly mentioned—to the social worker and to others—that The Notebook was the happiest film that I had ever seen. I said that because—spoiler alert!—at the end of the film Garner sneaks into Rowlands’ bed at night and they die together. Even better than "happily ever after," because it is finished.

As I have a 50-minute daily commute (each way), I listen to books on tape while I drive. For my first week back after returning from Lithuania, I chose The Notebook.

The book is much better than the film, although we enjoyed the film very much.

The characters created their notebook because, when Noah reads from it, Ally is sometime able to break the bonds of Alzheimer’s and return to him, temporarily. In the book, their story unfolds from letters they wrote to each other, as well as from the notebook. As I listened to Ally’s letter to Noah, I heard Vaiva speaking to me.

This blog was created to share the sad news of Vaiva’s death globally, quickly, and to provide some details of the last year of her life with her friends and admirers. It has also been, and will continue to be, a kind of notebook for me to preserve my own memories and observations, so that Vaiva can return to me, temporarily.

So now I’ll return to posting photographs. As I get additional translations of the speeches in Lithuania, I’ll post them as well.

Silvija

It was 4 am on January 2nd when we heard the taxi pull up outside and we started to haul our suitcases down to the street... and Silvija was standing there to lead us out. She was telling a story, but then when i was getting into the cab, she interrupted herself with,

Vaikeli, dabar ka nors tau pasakysiu... zinai ka, gyvenimas nesustoja. Gyvenimas nesustoja, she said, with her hands open, shrugging, ir mes gyvenam toliau.

And then she started again telling stories of other friends of hers.

Child, I will tell you something now... you know what, life doesn't stop. Life doesn't stop... and we continue to live.

Presents

Now I'm back in Clemson starting spring semester, and I have new dark orange hawaiian-print sheets on my bed, that Mama ordered back in October.

She also ordered all the Amazon books and movies and Cranium for Aras and Renata long before Christmas.

And about a week before Christmas, a huge box was delivered to our front door... a very expensive fancy mocha coffee maker... We were all like, "what the hell is this?!?" and realized she bought it for Tete in early November.

It's sort of bizarre to receive these things... I wonder if anything else is on its way.

Vaiva's legacy

As the tributes attest, Vaiva left big footprints. Before we left Lithuania, we met with Romas Sakadolskis twice, and discussed, among other things, the idea of collecting and publishing Vaiva's writings and speeches. Don't know exactly how that will work, and even if we have them all, but we're starting to take inventory. I've given Liepa a copy of what we believe is the main electronic repository of Vaiva's work, and Romas will be working with some hard copy material we discovered in Vilnius.

I solicit your feedback on what steps we should consider. The purpose of publication would be to preserve Vaiva's legacy, as well as to honor her, and to promote continued education reform in Lithuania, it seems to me. Or is there another purpose?

Do you have some stories or memories to share? You can comment on this post, or sent me your thoughts by email.

By Dainius Numgaudis

[Tradition dictates that three of your closest friends give the final eulogies at your grave site before burial. These are the words of Dainius Numgaudis, Mama’s colleague at the Ministry and very good friend. My translation follows.]

Miela Vaiva,

Tokią akimirką labai sunku atrasti žodžius – tikslius, paprastus ir giliaminčius - tokius, kurių tokia turtinga ir vaizdinga Tavo kalba.

Pastarąsias tris savaites buvome kartu su Tavo artimaisiais ir Tavim.
Manau, kad tai jautei. Tiesiog negalėjai nejausti.
Tai buvo skaudžių minčių ir šviesių prisiminimų metas.
Tas laikas buvo tarsi labai ryškių spalvų filmas. Toks , kaip Tu .

Mes, visi tavo bičiuliai, čia dar ir dar kartą įsivertinome ką ir kaip darėme, kur klydome ir ko pasiekėme. Kuo didžiuojamės ir ką norėtųsi nutylėti ar dėl ko dar pasiginčyti.

Nesiginčysim tik dėl vieno- praėjęs švietimo dešimtmetis sunkiai įsivaizduojamas be Tavęs. Be Tavo asmenybės ir darbų, idėjų ir idealų vardan siekio -
– Dievo delne, kaip pati sakydavai, matyti Lietuvą- augančią, stiprėjančią, atvirą Lietuvą.

Pranokai daugumą mūsų- savo įžvalga, ištverme, siaubingai didele valia, užsispyrimu, maksimalizmu, laisvumu, mąstymo gilumu, kartais labai netikėtu ir žmogiškai paprastu požiūriu į sudėtingą problemą.

Vakar vienoje iš Tavo kalbų radau Džono Lenono citatą- Gyvenimas yra tai, kas tau atsitinka, kol esi užsiėmęs kitais reikalais.
Džiaugiamės, kad buvai labai užsiėmusi, Vaiva. Kad įsukai į tuos užsiėmimus Jim, Arą, Liepą su Lokiu, Sirvydą ir mus visus.

Kažkada pasakojai, kaip tėtis atvedė tave prie vandenyno ir parodė į tolį- ten Lietuva. Pasistiebusi žiūrėjai ir klausei: kur? Kur? Tėtis sakė- štai ten, kaip tu nematai?
Matyt todėl Lietuvą matei kitaip ir kur kas giliau, negu kad mes .

Ačiū Tau už tai. Ir sudie.


Dear Vaiva,

It’s very hard to find words for such a moment—precise, simple, thoughtful ones—ones as rich and illustrative as you always found.

All those close to you have spent the past three weeks together with you. I think you’ve felt that; you must have. It was a time of painful thoughts and bright memories. It was like a film full of bright colors: just like you.

We—all of your pals—have always taken stock of ourselves as individuals over and over again: what are we proud of, what would we rather forget, and what we would still like to argue about just a bit.

There is one thing nobody could argue about—the past decade of education reform is difficult to imagine without you, your personality, your ideas, and your ideals: as you used to say, you saw an emergent, strong, transparent Lithuania sitting in the palm of God’s hand.

You surpassed most of us—your insight, endurance, tremendous willpower, stubbornness, maximization, informality, deep thought, and sometimes very unexpected, very down to earth perspective on a complex problem.

Last night I found a quotation from John Lennon in one of you speeches: “Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” We’re glad that you were so busy with all your plans, Vaiva; we’re glad that you wove Jim, Aras, Liepa and Lokys, and Sirvydas and the rest of us into those plans.

Once you told me about a time when your father took you to the ocean and pointed far off and said, “There’s Lithuania.” Straining to see up on your tiptoes you said, “Where? Where?” Your father said, “Right there, can’t you see?” I guess that’s why you always had a different perception of Lithuania, and sometimes one more clear than our own.

Thank you for that, and farewell.

Gita's Hartford tribute

In the fall of 1990, when Darius Kuolys (then Minister of Education in the newly re-established republic of Lithuania) approached Jūrate Krokyte Stirbiene and Vaiva Vėbra Gust for their assistance, he envisioned that they would organize a few retired Lithuanian American educators to share their expertise with the teachers of Lithuania. Little did he know what he was about to ignite.

Jūrate, experienced in the field of special education, immediately turned her attention to work in that area. Vaiva took on the administrative task of establishing a grassroots organization, which included Americans from the United States and Canada, not all of them of Lithuanian heritage. Some, indeed, were retired educators while many were still practicing professionals. The inspired name, A.P.P.L.E.—the American Professional Partnership for Lithuanian Education—came from Vaiva‘s husband, Jim Gust. There was a lengthy equivalent name in Lithuanian, but it never caught on. Right from the beginning, the people of Lithuania did their best to pronounce A.P.P.L.E.

What exciting times those were, sitting around the dining room table in the Vėbra-Gust home, brainstorming, strategizing, working for a cause. We worked out ways to do fundraising. We established a newsletter to get our message out to the wider public. Deep down we knew that our efforts were important; we could make a difference in the education of the children of Lithuania and, therefore, in the future of the whole country.

Vaiva guided A.P.P.L.E. through the first eight years before assuming a position as Vice-minister of Education in Lithuania. Before she stepped down, Vaiva had the good sense to choose a capable successor, Emilija Sakadolskiene. In her turn, Emilija had the foresight to work out a process for insuring continued leadership for A.P.P.L.E. down to the present day with Barbara Henriques currently serving as president.

Over the years 28,000 teachers in Lithuania have attended A.P.P.L.E. courses. That is about 47%, almost half, of the teachers in Lithuania. Through our efforts fifty-nine teacher centers have been established throughout the country to support teachers all year long, not just when the A.P.P.L.E. summer seminars are running. A Lithuanian Scholars Fund was founded, and to date seventy-six teachers in Lithuania have been funded to do further research on topics that have been presented by A.P.P.L.E.

Those who have participated will readily tell you that being part of A.P.P.L.E. is a life-altering experience, and not just for the educators of Lithuania but for all of us involved in organizing and presenting to our colleagues in Lithuania as well. We all have very special memories of A.P.P.L.E. to share. We have become a family.

Although she took on other tasks over the years, Vaiva never really left us. When she served in the ministry or later as advisor to President Adamkus, Vaiva always kept contact with A.P.P.L.E. and shared with us her vision of what was important for Lithuanian education. In fact, when Vaiva went into remission after her first bout with breast cancer, she assumed the role of A.P.P.L.E. president again and organized the 2005 summer seminars. As recently as this past August, 2008, Vaiva attended the officers meeting to lend her support for the work of A.P.P.L.E.

I will be honest with you. It wasn‘t always easy working with Vaiva. She was demanding. Those of us who worked closely with her understood that she was passionate—one might even say driven—when it came to working for educational reform in Lithuania. Now that Vaiva is no longer with us, the A.P.P.L.E. family is exchanging condolenscences. As people write about Vaiva, they are using words like inspiring and guiding light. Luminary and visionary. We know that in a very real way Vaiva‘s guidance will always be with us.

The A.P.P.L.E. family mourns with the Vėbra Gust family, with Vaiva‘s husband Jim, and their wonderful children Aras, Liepa, Lokys, and Sirvydas.

Adamkus: Lithuania has lost a noble individual and a genuine daughter

[The following is my translation of this presidential press announcement page]

Lithuanian President Valdas Adamkus expressed his condolences to the family, loved ones, and all who knew Vaiva Vėbraitė.

“Lithuania, together with the World Lithuanian Community, has lost its noble individual and genuine daughter, Vaiva Vėbraitė. Born far from Lithuania, Vaiva’s life both confirmed her love for her the land of her parents and attested to the sacrifices she made for her responsibilities and work,” said the Lithuanian President. “Her path in life was lit by the spirit of patriotism and Lithuania, sparked by public activity in America and led her to Lithuania. Still raising her bountiful, beautiful family, she was one of the first to arrive in a just-becoming free Lithuania. Vaiva came on a mission of professional-pedagogical help; she never left.”

Vaiva’s name—with its knowledge, incredible patience, and enthusiasm—is firmly attached to early education reform. As faithful to principle as always, the president’s adviser was particularly concerned in the past few years with the quality of education in the humanities, the spread of news and education on patriotism and citizenship, and the battle against negative phenomena in Lithuania’s schools.

“Vaiva has left, but her initiatives and work remain in all of our schools and through the knowledge their students have acquired. Those who knew her will remember a Great Person, who made time enough to be a loving mother and wife, help others, improve herself, and as far as her strength would take her, to work for Lithuania,” said President Valdas Adamkus.

9 Photos?

Someone has sent me 9 photos from their iPhoto program. Unfortunately, the photos did not pass through the blogger filter, I only got the 9 filenames, and I didn't get the return address of the sender.

Please try to resend the photos to my aol account, jbgust@aol.com.

Thanks.

Condolences

Dear Jim, Arai, Liepa, Loky ir Sirvydai- Please accept our condolences, your family is in our prayers and we wish you strength. We had an honor to have Vaiva as our dance instructor in Vetra. She had a special gift to inspire the love for Lithuanian dance and culture. Thanks to her, Vetra became a "home away from home" for us, when we came to study in the US. We felt the same way at home in Durham during the Midsummer festivals, among the wonderful group of people that your family would bring together. We mourn Vaiva together with the rest of the Lithuanian community. Vaiva will be missed so much by all whose lifes she touched and who she inspired. Sincerely, Giedre & Gediminas Kerai with our families P.S. Thank You Jim for always being there for Vaiva and, in turn, for Lithuania. We greatly appreciate your comments on the blog and it just shows once again what a great person you are.

And now for a rant from our sponsor

Here's an example of very bad public policy

Vaiva and I did not really discuss our retirement expectations. There were times when I had the impression that she wanted to make Lithuania her permanent home. Perhaps if she had lived long enough for one of our children to develop the financial wherewithal to assume responsibility for the Durham property, we could have considered retiring to Lithuania. Certainly a dollar-based retirement buys one a higher standard of living in Lithuania than it does in the U.S.

However, I have just learned a nasty little fact of life in Lithuania. I knew that foreigners are barred from buying land. Vaiva was able to build our home in Rieše because she had, by operation of law, dual citizenship. Lithuania has a sad history with absentee foreign landowners, so I sympathize with the historical roots of this bias against noncitizens.

But I did not realize that the discrimination extends to inheritance. What is more surprising, it applies to surviving spouses!

So had Vaiva and I retired to our Rieše home, and had she died before me, I would have been required to sell the house and move out! Or sell it and pay rent to the new owner to continue living there.

I can’t imagine a stupider, more misguided policy. Well, there are some stupider tax policies, I guess. At a minimum, surviving spouses should not be forced out of their homes.

What this means for me right now is that I am barred from accepting my ownership in Rieše, I will instead have to sell my interest to my children who also have acquired dual Lithuanian citizenship (but of course they lack the funds for the purchase).

As it happens, this result may not be so very different from what I wanted—but it should have been my choice, not one forced upon me.

And as I think about this more, I get rather angry. I have been a patriot for Lithuania. I have worked in countless ways in support of Vaiva’s efforts and therefore have made a meaningful contribution to Lithuanian life. What’s more, I’ve sent tens of thousands of dollars to Lithuania over the years for various purposes—building the house the largest, but there have been others.

This is the thanks I get, this slap in the face?

I know when I am not wanted. Romas told me not to be offended by Lithuanian bureaucrats, but I can't help it. I am very much offended. It will affect my future plans.

Cups

These are the legged cups referred to below, that Vaiva and I bought in Vilnius about ten years ago, on my first visit after the house was built.

We are back in Durham

25 hours after stepping into the cab in Rieše, we walked into our front door in Durham. And that after only a couple hours sleep! I'm too old for this.

Departure

Leaving the house in Rieše was hard. Going through the house, selecting things of Vaiva’s to bring back to Durham, walking through these rooms that were so indelibly hers. Mostly I took books amd music. The piano sheet music. Four charming hamd-made cups with feet that we bought together on my second trip to Lithuania. I’ll have to figure out when that was.

Somehow, I found it hard to pack, I kept fearing I was overlooking something. Finally I stopped at 12:30 am, set the alarm for 3:30 am. Don’t know how much sleep I really got, but we were up and ready for the cab at 4 am. No traffic at that time of day, of course, and the weather was cooperative.

We left Vilnius in the pitch dark, and arrived in the pitch dark in Warsaw. Six hour layover—I’m going to have to do a better job of planning the tickets in the future.

Last look

I returned to the cemetery with Liepa, Renata and Adrija before going to a wonderful luncheon with Evaldas and Nijole. The photo above shows the burial mound created by the gravediggers, the one below is from the other side, with all the flowers.


We have to leave at 4 am tomorrow to catch the 6:25 am flight to Warsaw. Blogging will be suspended until after I get back to the states.

Labas

Labas,
Neseniai suzinojom... Labai nuosirdi uzuojauta. Tiesiog nesitiki, kelias dienas negaliu apie tai negalvoti. stiprybes tau ir tavo seimai. Visuomet tavo Mama prisiminsiu kaip GERA ZMOGU. Is jos ne vienas daug ko ismoko. Tame tarpe ir as.
Dar pries savaite kalbejomes su vyru apie jus. Prisiminiau, kaip rasei, jog sias Kaledas sutiksit visi kartu, tad nusprendem padaryti staigmena. Tau, Sirvydui,... ir issiuntem oro pastu saldainiu deze, kad Kaledos butu lietuviskesnes. Taigi, ja gausit pries Kaledas. Tik liudna, kad ne visi ...
Stiprybes, stiprybes, stiprybes...
Rasyk, kai noresi.

Vaida su seima