Dear Jim,
I am so sorry about your loss of Vaiva. She was an absolutely amazing person -- one who left a deep impression on me as I got to know her and worked with her for APPLE in the early years of the organization. She was so committed to the cause. And she was so respected and cherished. She left a beautiful legacy.
I hadn't seen her for many years -- I remarried, moved to Washington, DC, had 2 children, then lived in Mexico City for 2-3 years, and am now in Istanbul, Turkey. But even though it has been many years, I was stunned by the fact that she is gone. News of her death left such an empty feeling inside.
When my first husband, Antanas, died in 1994 (I was so young at the time -- only 30 years old), I still remember to this day the beautiful card that Vaiva had sent me. It had purple flowers on it -- wild lupines -- and she wrote about how they are growing in the field where the two of you have started building a house in Lietuva; how those flowers reminded her of life and hope and beauty; how she wished for me one day to have those things return to me and assured me that they will. That was 15 years ago.
My life has changed over those years. I worked hard to try and make myself whole again to one day have those things return to me. My experience changed me and brought me to places I never thought I would go. I developed beautiful friendships along the way, discovered new parts of myself that I never knew existed, and never forgetting my past, I moved into the future.
Jim, I do completely understand and feel your pain. I read the words in your blog -- yours, your children's, and the ones written by all of the people who loved Vaiva and grieve her loss -- and understand that it will be a long journey for everyone to find their way without her. But she left in all of us a little part of herself that we will always carry around with us.
In September, I lost another close friend to breast cancer. After that happened I decided that I was going to participate in the Avon Walk for breast cancer (which will be in May of this year.) When I heard of Vaiva's passing, I decided to also dedicate this walk to her. I have enclosed a link to my Web page on the walk, just so you and your family can read that I included Vaiva in my dedication:
Again, I am so sorry about your loss. It took me a long time to write to you and to find the right words. I have seen some of your children over the past few summers at Neringa and reacquainted myself with the others through their photos and blog entries. You have a beautiful family. I remember them as children and it's wonderful to see the people they have become.
Vaiva will truly be missed and I know how hard it will be on you and your kids. She left her mark on so many and was such a public figure. Her work for Lithuania made an impact, but more important, her life and presence in your family as wife, mother, and grandmother is irreplaceable. And I am so sorry about that.
I send all of you my love,
Ruta
(formerly Ruta Kulbis from Boston, now Ruta Puskorius from Istanbul)
Ruta Puskorius
US mailing address:
c/o Rimas Puskorius
World Bank Group (ISTIFC)
PO Box 27839
Washington, DC 20038-7839
US tel. no. 202-363-1699
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